My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
