in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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