Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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