On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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