I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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