Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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