I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
