WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I smell stomach acid.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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