***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.