he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
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He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my liver is dry heaving
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.