I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?