sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
