We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
no, he came in my armpit
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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