Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
