Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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