Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
