booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
