but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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