Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
