my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
