They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
