awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize