my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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