I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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