Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
