when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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