I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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