On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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