my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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