I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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