I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
