I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
