i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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