the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How does it feel to date your dad?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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