thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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