I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
