i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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