SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
