I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
