3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
