my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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