Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
