He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
