he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
