I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
