Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
