Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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