u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
