dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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