went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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