All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize