oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
