I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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