She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
