just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
