you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
