6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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