First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
