and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
