dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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