Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
