he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
