Welp...herpes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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