Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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