you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
