My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
