I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
