By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
