I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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