i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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