Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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