Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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