Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
