this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
