i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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