oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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