I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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