so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
