i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
