Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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