your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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