Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
